does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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