Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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