Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
