yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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