smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
