Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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