i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
