You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
