in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
