:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
