I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize