i need an iv and a liver transplant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
