it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it penis luge time yet?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
