Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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