Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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