if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
