I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
