Your tits are I can't wait for
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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