Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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