if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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