I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
