I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
