Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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