Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
