i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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