now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
