Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
