Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize