hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize