Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
