dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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