I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
