Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
