Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize