When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
