i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
