I think I won the penis lottery.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
