So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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