In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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