addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
