9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
