Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
