If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
