i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
