if you like me you must not know who I am
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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