I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize