She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
