Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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