Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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