Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
