No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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