i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
