I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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