i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
