Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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