Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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