Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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