Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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