Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
