Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
