My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize