i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
