evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
