I think im going to throw up on grandma
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
