I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
