Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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