Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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