i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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