I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
third nipple confirmed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
