just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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