only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
