god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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