You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
